If you think you might be gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans often telling a parent can be a huge relief from an overwhelming burden. Nathan Adam writes about his coming out journey and how he felt telling his mother, her reaction and his feeling after coming out and telling his mother and family. – Nathan Adams, Mr Cork 2015
Where to start… I had to make a call on coming out to my family and friends sooner than later. At first I thought it was a bad idea, they would reject me out of hand, but I needed to get it off my chest, so I rang my friend Rachel and invited her to lunch in town. I went to collect her, and while waiting outside in the car, I got very nervous, going over in my head what I was about to say and actually do!!! When she got into the car I started to laugh uncontrollably, of course she was puzzled as to why I was acting so strangely, so as I was driving away from her house I said “I’m gay.” Her exact words were “Are you serious? I knew that ages ago.”
To say I was relieved is an understatement; it was like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. My confidence which had taken a battering in school was suddenly growing again, which helped me in the task that lay ahead in telling my family.
So, rather than embarrass my mom and for us both to be comfortable, I sent her a text saying “hi Mum just thought I’d let you know, not only have you a handsome son but a gay one too. Enjoy work xx”
Mum was in town and called into Rachel and I, first thing she said was she didn’t believe me, but after chatting for 20 minutes or so, she accepted it and more importantly she accepted me for who I was and was happy for me, but as mum’s do, she was annoyed in a nice way, that I hadn’t told her sooner.
Later that evening I told people I trust that I was gay, and asked them for advice on how to let people on social media know of my sexuality, which I gratefully took on board before announcing on social media that I was gay. My heart was pounding as I sat alone in the car waiting for the notifications to arrive. The support I got there and then was overwhelming; as I was reading the messages from Facebook and Twitter and text messages from my friends, I broke down in tears, tears of joy and happiness and some of regret, regret that I hadn’t revealed my sexuality earlier.
The support showed me that I had real friends, friends who wanted to be part of my life no matter what my sexuality was. Words like “you are my friend, my buddy and you will always be.”
When I got home, my aunt was waiting for me, I thought she was going to give out etc., but she gave me a big hug and said “ You will always be the same Nathan to me no matter what I don’t care who you bring home once he’s worthy of your heart.”
My family supported me from day one and continue to do so 2 years on, nothing has changed I am still the same Nathan I was before coming out.
There’s no right or wrong way to come out – but from my experience I can honestly say it’s the best move I have ever made.